pain is only a place.

it has been a while since I have posted on my blog, i apologize for that, whoever is reading this. but that does not mean I have stopped writing. in fact, over the past 2 months I have written more than ever. I have been struggling with my health and find lots of time to express my feelings, because of the hospital stays and appointments. through this tough time I have discovered who my true friends are, as cliche as that sounds. the ones who are real friends are my daily encouragement and are always sending positive thoughts my way. I have become very dependent on them. but even more so, I am clinging to Jesus. at times, I can feel his warm grasp on me as well, but other times he feels like a stone cold statue. I continue to pray to feel his love during this trial of my life. 

however, I know that pain is only a place. 

my eyes open, I don't recognize anyone at all. 

poked, proded, and tied down, they ask me if I took a fall. 

my lips quiver, no sound escapes. 

my body shakes with no control. the sirens sound, tears flood my eyes. 

God can't I just have a break? 

Satan, please just let go of my soul? 

my parents meet us at the hospital, their faces, they cannot bear the emotional pain. 

I am stable and can return home, but I have never felt so alone. 

the pain of my seizures will stay at the hospital. for I know pain is only a place. 

Give thanks

Tomorrow is thanksgiving! Lots of things to be thankful for this year, as every year. 

This year though... It's different. 

I cannot put my thankfulness into my own words, but Paul does a pretty good job in 1 Corinthians. Verse 4, "I always thank my God for you because of His grace given you in Jesus Christ."

He also tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ."

Just give thanks. No matter what. Even if it seems bad, God is blessing you, so give thanks! 

It's that simple- GIVE THANKS. 

Quote - yann martel

Love is hard to believe, ask any lover. Life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. What is your problem with hard to believe?

That time of year

its just that time. changing color. changing weather. change. every autumn God's beauty through his creations never cease to amaze me. There's no doubt in my mind that his kingdom has not come to earth. He is here with us. We just have to be there with him.


Presence. Thats what its all about. Yea when attendance is taken we can say "here", but are we really there. Its all about diving into the moment and seeking out joy. Its about change.

Everyday I pray that I can change to be more like my heavenly father. I pray that our society can change from this road toward corruption to a path of peace. I pray that all eyes will be changed and we can see what Jesus's continues to see.

Thats why this time of year, fall, is special to me. Around me the change is everywhere but in me thats where the work needs to be done.

Everyday I walk outside and am encouraged when I see the change of each day, even if its the tiniest thing. Really we are pretty tiny ourselves in comparison to this world, so there is no reason why we cant change.



2 Corinthians 3:18 

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.


Food for thought. Come and eat with me.

Time.

What is time?

It is measured in various units, but what if it didn't exist? 

There would be no rush, we would not be late. There would be no stress, nor any due dates. 

We would have time to breathe. And take off this fake decorative "happy" wreathe. I wouldn't feel so behind. Because there would be no crunch for the climb. 

God created the heavens and the earth, all creatures here below, the seasons even the whitest of snow. He did all of this on a timely matter, yet he took one entire day to rest and recover. For us, that does not seem to exist and is pushed under the covers. He was in no hurry for he knew what to do and what was to come. Only if we trusted him, fully, would his kingdom finally come....   

What Lines...?

ALWAYS be last in line.

because you are DIVINE.



Whether literal or metaphorical lines, as Christians we are called to be last. Dead last. Jesus put others before himself. However, we put ourselves before others due to our sinful human nature. Lets live up to what our lips say by our actions. Be the example of selflessness to our peers, family, friends, etc.

We are undeserving, why should we go first anyway?

Jesus is the Son of God, and yet he always placed himself below others.

We are all God's children, therefore lets place ourselves below others.